Was going through some old albums yesterday and found this snapshot of Jen. For those of you who read this blog and do not know who "Jen" is that keeps posting on here, this is what she looks like (on a good day). Cheers, Jen Russell Terrier Parkin!
Why the hell did I decide not to go to Japan? I'm just asking. I need my friendships-in-their-truest-senses to validate me because I feel like I just threw my life out the window. I'm sure I didn't. Pretty sure. I know I've asked for validation before from all of you, but could I beg for it just one more time? (keeping in mind that I couldn't go to japan now even if I wanted to....the deadline's done been shot past.....)
And how come everything great and worthwhile in this world costs money and connections? I mean, how does somebody explore new species of animals without a plane ticket to Australia and eight years at Harvard? And how come I wasn't born into a family that has maids and nannies to make sure I get into Eaton and secure myself whatever the hell future I want? And what if I really AM too lazy and inept for a really fine PhD program and what if more grad school is just a waste of breathing after all when I could be...........cleaning off oily seals in Alaska or midwifing babies in the Congo or....I mean, what if I was supposed to be an astronaut after all? I kicked that AP Calc test in the crotch and never picked up math again! I coulda been on the MOON, man!
..........Then again.....OR.....I could have died in a car accident at fifteen and never even kissed a boy before my demise. So. At least that didn't happen. But then AGAIN, what if there is some kid that died when he was ten and COULD'VE been somebody great and now I'm eating his Corn Flakes and breathing his air and not doing jack squat with it when he could've been......teaching freaking japanese kids in freaking damn Kyoto. If "following my heart" ends up just being some kind of hormonal imbalance after all, then hot damn. I'm getting a tattoo.
All right, all right, I know, I'm being totally selfish and none of you really CARE where I go or what I do anyway because it's my life and I'm not even REALLY blood related to any of you all anyway, but I'm just sore about not getting everything I want and decided to tantrum HERE, where no one will remember it's here after a week and no one will be too surprised anyway because you all know I have to make decisions of even the remotest kind a big fat ugly deal. PERIOD. And my neighbor that gives me haircuts hasn't been home all week and I want a haircut so bad just to change the feel of it all, you know? I've still got my going-to-japan hair and I need something new. I need a fresh start. I'm going to get a piercing or something. ANYTHING!
Geez, you just made me take two Excedrin. Now . . . how long ago did you defend your thesis? Two months ago? Maybe three? And, then what? You went tripping all over the country seeing our many friends. I mean you spent a day with one of my favorite minds in Central Park, for hecks sakes. Patience is not thy middle name, dear Friend. Get the world in perspective, Girl. Yes, the worst place you could be is at your mom's house right now, 'cause it's the same place you hid in the closets, so come up after your FLORIDA trip (Do you realize you're feeding whole families who work for airlines with your travel this summer?) and we'll go fishing and cook Dutch Oven (no beetles or frogs)and the mountains will wash you out. Then Europe next summer. Why do you have to BE somebody? Why do you have to BE doing something? Let it go. You can't take back life. Your biggest problem is that you always want do-overs. "Hey, stop this game right now. I want my turn over again." Ha. I promise you that, later, you'll be so stinking glad we don't get to do it all over again. Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Breathe. I'm sending you all my Zen books ASAP.
Yeah, you've hooked it. I would really like to save the game here and then jump back to this spot later in case I might like the other decision better. Yeah, camping would be so fine. You have to promise not to bail, and I'll promise, too. *SIGH* Okay, I'm breathing again.
9 comments:
I HATE YOU! You can't find your USB cord to upload current pics, but this one surfaced from the depths of somewhere. This is war!
hahahaha! BRING IT, PARKIN!
Jen, I think I've seen you before. But I can't remember if it was from Pretty Woman or Goonies.
BT, finding unflattering pictures and posting them on the internet=friendship in its truest sense.
Jaren, I love you. Perfect comment about friendship. I agree, agree, agree.
Why the hell did I decide not to go to Japan? I'm just asking. I need my friendships-in-their-truest-senses to validate me because I feel like I just threw my life out the window. I'm sure I didn't. Pretty sure. I know I've asked for validation before from all of you, but could I beg for it just one more time? (keeping in mind that I couldn't go to japan now even if I wanted to....the deadline's done been shot past.....)
And how come everything great and worthwhile in this world costs money and connections? I mean, how does somebody explore new species of animals without a plane ticket to Australia and eight years at Harvard? And how come I wasn't born into a family that has maids and nannies to make sure I get into Eaton and secure myself whatever the hell future I want? And what if I really AM too lazy and inept for a really fine PhD program and what if more grad school is just a waste of breathing after all when I could be...........cleaning off oily seals in Alaska or midwifing babies in the Congo or....I mean, what if I was supposed to be an astronaut after all? I kicked that AP Calc test in the crotch and never picked up math again! I coulda been on the MOON, man!
..........Then again.....OR.....I could have died in a car accident at fifteen and never even kissed a boy before my demise. So. At least that didn't happen. But then AGAIN, what if there is some kid that died when he was ten and COULD'VE been somebody great and now I'm eating his Corn Flakes and breathing his air and not doing jack squat with it when he could've been......teaching freaking japanese kids in freaking damn Kyoto. If "following my heart" ends up just being some kind of hormonal imbalance after all, then hot damn. I'm getting a tattoo.
All right, all right, I know, I'm being totally selfish and none of you really CARE where I go or what I do anyway because it's my life and I'm not even REALLY blood related to any of you all anyway, but I'm just sore about not getting everything I want and decided to tantrum HERE, where no one will remember it's here after a week and no one will be too surprised anyway because you all know I have to make decisions of even the remotest kind a big fat ugly deal. PERIOD. And my neighbor that gives me haircuts hasn't been home all week and I want a haircut so bad just to change the feel of it all, you know? I've still got my going-to-japan hair and I need something new. I need a fresh start. I'm going to get a piercing or something. ANYTHING!
Geez, you just made me take two Excedrin.
Now . . . how long ago did you defend your thesis? Two months ago? Maybe three? And, then what? You went tripping all over the country seeing our many friends. I mean you spent a day with one of my favorite minds in Central Park, for hecks sakes. Patience is not thy middle name, dear Friend. Get the world in perspective, Girl. Yes, the worst place you could be is at your mom's house right now, 'cause it's the same place you hid in the closets, so come up after your FLORIDA trip (Do you realize you're feeding whole families who work for airlines with your travel this summer?) and we'll go fishing and cook Dutch Oven (no beetles or frogs)and the mountains will wash you out. Then Europe next summer. Why do you have to BE somebody? Why do you have to BE doing something? Let it go. You can't take back life. Your biggest problem is that you always want do-overs. "Hey, stop this game right now. I want my turn over again." Ha. I promise you that, later, you'll be so stinking glad we don't get to do it all over again. Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Breathe. I'm sending you all my Zen books ASAP.
Yeah, you've hooked it. I would really like to save the game here and then jump back to this spot later in case I might like the other decision better. Yeah, camping would be so fine. You have to promise not to bail, and I'll promise, too. *SIGH* Okay, I'm breathing again.
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