As promised, here are the pictures of Emily's latest feeding frenzy.In the first picture, my stepson Triston is showing Emily his prized frog. They have been together for a very long time. It is his best friend.
In the background is Emily's date Dane who, earlier that day, was walking down the street with a bag of groceries when he was accosted by Emily and forced to accompany her for the evening. Shown here, he is praying: "I don't know what I did to offend Thee . . . ." The rest is just garbled pleadings.
In the second picture, after back-handing Triston and playing a game of bobbing for Lumpy, Emily is making short work of the frog. Triston is crying in his bedroom with a pillowcase over his head and Dane is hiding under the table, quivering and moist. It took 45 minutes and a plate of sugar cookies before he came out again.
On the bright side, before the frog was downed, its skin excreted a fine toxic foam into Emily's mouth. She was pretty sick there for a while, vomiting blood and bits of rubber hose. Doing okay now. The only thing remaining is a voice like Tom Waits' and a mouthful of plantar warts.
Needless to say, it took a nearly a week before Dane got up the courage to ask her out again.
The third picture (Claire with elephant stag beetle) illustrates the power of bad examples.
On a different note, for those of you who are in Idaho:
The Sierra Leone Refugee All-Stars are playing in Boise and Hailey this week. Boise-28th. Hailey-29th.
I just learned about this band. All the members are refugees who were forced from their homes in that country's bloody revolution from 1999-2004. The murders and mutilations that occured there are very similar to what is happening in Uganda and Sudan right now, only on a smaller scale.
There is a remarkable documentary film about this band that I saw on PBS late last night if you're interested. Also, here's a link to their myspace page where you can hear a song or two. In addition to their pacifist message they've got a funky beat that I can really bug out to. Check it.
17 comments:
JAREN!!! You damn fancypants ruffian. What a smart alecky brilliant post. I don't remember Dane looking so cute....was he cute? I don't remember. I just remember how he kept interrupting me and wanting to go to bed at 10 p.m. Pfffff. What an old coot. But nice to know I can meet a dude even at an AP English Test Grading Week in Kentucky.
Hey, where're all the pictures of the frog in YOUR mouth? And nice touch getting your sweet daughter to put a beetle in her mouth. You raise them right, and I am being gutfully honest. I'm excited to Flitwick, the Prince, and SweetWife this weekend.
excuse me, I'm excited to SEE FW, the P, and SW this WE.
*singing*: "outside another yellow moon punched a hole in the nighttime, yes, I climb through the window and down the street, shining like a new dime"
I hate to be the responsible adult in this comment area, but placing a reptilian/amphibian in your mouth = the quickest way to get salmonella.
Think of the children.
JG, Emily WAS thinking of the children. You know as well as I a mere frog won't satiate her bloodlust.
i ate a raw egg everyday in Japan. I am IMMUNE from salmonella.
I don't even believe in germs and basically think Louis Pasteur is a charlatan but even I got a little disgusted by the frog in the mouth.
I'm glad I found this blog. Sharon, I'll visit more often, I swear.
Foolhardiness, Em. Still living the invicibility complex of youth. I will personally hunt you down and prove that you are not invincible. Sharpen your axe, and keep an eye behind you.
Sounds like a fine plan, JG. By what means will you conduct this small-scale biological warfare?
Well JW, I am thinking someone can lull Ms. Gillz to sleep, perhaps with a viewing of The English Patient in French followed by the old ether bunny/chloroform diaper standby. Then, a hypo full of salmonella typhimurium ought to do the trick. Massive regret would follow, of course, but I will go to great lengths to prove a point.
Wouldn't work. The English Patient has far too many sex scenes. I would remain both guiltily riveted and shifty-eyed to see if anyone was watching me watch Ralph Fiennes to let down my guard. Room With a View might work, except for the dancing naked men at the end of that one..... Your best bet would probably be Spiderman 3. Slept all the way through that brainsucker.
Ether bunny. Nice one! Boy, does that bring back some memories. While we're at it, perhaps she'd like a decent butt taco. (For those unfamiliar with this hilarious and reputable gag, it's simply the cramming of wonderfully hot taco ingredients into the crack of a lucky unconcious victim.) To be respectful of her modesty, we'll have Sharon and the other ladies perform this deed for us Joe, while you're needling the pathogens into her neck and I'm ether ragging her ever so sweetly.
Incidentially, I've only had the fortune of being part of the b.t. prank once, when a belligerent, then comatose, fellow passed out at my apartment. Oddly, when he woke the next morning, britches full of stagnant meat, cheese, and sour cream, he was none too pleased. It appears that some people really don't have much of a sense of humor.
Incidently, incident ly, incidentally. Take your pick.
"Vomiting blood and bits of rubber hose"? Geez, Jaren (nice line.) And I agree with JG. I am also a member of a Responsible Parenting club. What were you all thinking. Here at least we kill our beavers before we eat them. Actually, I couldn't figure out the look on Emily's date's face--was it shyness? boredom? Lovestruck reticents?--until I saw Em eating the raw frog and realized it's as Jaren says: total disgust, "Let me out of here now."
Ah, the dreaded BT, rear admiral. I had forgotten about that one. so much more insulting than mere sharpie to the face or shaving cream.
I am glad Sharon seconds my caution.
Em, the funniest thing: I was going to say "Room With a View" until I remembered the floppy pond scene...full frontal on the entomologist from Arachnophobia. Horrid stuff, that. Could jolt one from sleep.
The pond scene. At Sharon's recommendation, SweetWife and I watched this film. I'm quite certain I've never seen so much male-ness since the MTC.
Ahhhh . . . what am I to do with you? English Patient--drove around for hours after it was over. Movie holds my worst subliminal fear of being left in a cave, helpless and sick, with a man's (no offense to the many Good men I know) promise to come back. "You'll come back? RF:"Yes, Yes, Absolutely." Then, the whole freaking fiction scene played out like that in my own life. I've learned to pay attention to the films that grab me for no reason. However, on a less personal note, the rain scene, and the mine sweeper from India reading Kipling, and his gift to her of ancient paintings in the chapel--Ohhhhh, I gush with pure praise for the film. Plus Howard's End and Room with a View are two of my faves also. Problem: We forgot the nude scene (In fact, I don't think I ever saw the full frontal nudity; I saw slipping back through the mud, running, giggling summer memories)and listed it as an assignment for our tour to Europe class in 2000. Whew. I should send you the "parent's" comments on full frontal nudity. Made me ashamed of the religious clubs I belong to--just because of members. Made Jim deal with them.
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