Greg, I take back everything I said two posts down. I can see now that you really are a busy man. With all the work you've been doing it's no wonder you've scarcely any time for paltry things like semi-annually keeping in touch.
For the rest, you can follow Greg's hectic life here.
18 comments:
wowsers
Jaren, you are a very wicked man. Greg is in the Himalayas sitting in a deep in a rock cave trying to find his words again. Have some pity on those of us who fall into great empty holes in our landscape (I don't know where the he-- they came from)and scramble with bloody fingers for months to get out again. The silence gets too loud, it's always dark twilight in there, and your voice dries up in your own throat. I don't answer phones or even my front door. You egotistical maniac. Your love sentiments for him were so covered with vinegar and p---, he's not going to let you read his next essay. Way to go.
Greggy is with us; We'll never get rid of him. He's our friend for eternity,and you know we're stuck with him, so get used to it, Buckaroo.
When do snakes hibernate? I want to go to the Defense Caves (or whatever they're called).
My words stubble all over themselves. Please excuse. I would give my good saddle for a night's sleep.
OK, Jaren, I take back yelling at you over Greg. I think we need to send one of us out there to find him. Have you seen his blog lately? Chuck Norris? Click on it. What is that? It's scaring me.I don't get it.
Jaren,
I'm surprised that you didn't discover Greg Fox the gay comic book artist. Google my name and you can even view his comic book, Kyle's Bed & Breakfast.
Greg, I knew that would get you to pipe up!
To everyone: See the prompt response of beloved Greggy! The trick is to keep him collared. Act as if you're his pimp and he'll toe the line.
Greg, I do know of the comic strip. It's actually the same guy. I prefer to think of you as pursuing loftier arts, perhaps even doing a little nude modelling yourself. I could see that.
By the way, my son, we're (the BHC) ready and eager for your submission. You're up buddy boy.
S & M: You can chastise me till doomsday, it won't change anything. Greg WILL let me ready his next essay because he knows I'm his biggest fan. I've told him repeatedly that of all the people in our little group, he is the most naturally talented. His "problem" has nothing to do with writing.
And besides, why don't you ever defend me against his tireless verbal onslaughts? I haven't dished out half of what I've received from your gentle Greggy.
Oh yeah. The beginning of snake hibernation depends on the species. They aren't hibernating yet, that's for sure.
Go to the caves. If you see a snake, I'll give you a million dollars. There aren't any in there.
If you want a more detailed answer, ask Joe. He's the expert.
An essay you shall have (If you're lucky). I'm stranded in an airport right now and need to get home so I can retrieve it from my flash drive.
P.S. I'm flying to Compton Monday and was hoping I could get some street-wise tips from Jaren.
P.P.S. I've dabbled in nude modeling, but I get fewer complaints on my non-existent butt this way.
That will be great when you get your flash drive. Then, theoretically, you will have infinite amount of copies.
I agree. His problems don't stem from his talented writing.
And, hey, Jaren PQ Watson, I always defend you, but not against Greg. His rude comments slide away down the gully because I know he greatly loves and respects you.
But, listen, I'll defend you to our death. Anyone giving you trouble down there? Just send me word, Partner. I have sword and shield and I fight in your behalf all the time, wounding myself in bloody battles, you ungrateful desert rat. I also talk earnestly in my prayers every night to the angels, battling over your soul.
But, truthfully, you would never ALLOW me to defend you publicly, and you know it. You're too arrogant. You'd poo poo it away because it may show some weaknesses to Charity, etc. and (be careful here) real feelings, You have no trouble showing deep and beautiful love for your children--there's an ache to it I thought only mothers knew. But, believe me, your bottled up, adult, cemented-in feelings would never allow anyone to publicly defend you. However, when those melt and dissolve into your blood . . . you have definite possibilities.
Actually, the more I think about this, here's the true point--you just don't ever need defendin'. Let's trade: Give me some of your strengths and defend me (BYU-I is harsh living quarters for me right now), and I'll send you some Idaho shade and an autumn leaf in an envelop.... OK?
Geez, I miss you guys.
If you miss us so badly then come and see us you tramp!
That doesn't sound quite right. Um. We miss you too.
And, for the record, Greg sent me his essay last night. I own him.
Sharon, my mom (Mrs. Norris--she gets irate when people don't call her Mrs. Norris [After the nasty cat in Harry Potter]) was asking me about you. She's been reading your blog and was impressed by the humanity in the things you say. I told her that you remind me a lot of her. She said she took that as a great compliment because she knows how much I respect and love you. I said she took it rightly.
I'm glad your mom's visiting and I'm flattered by your sort of backward comment. However, don't you think you'd better watch your mouth now? And watch your smart cynicism (like calling me a tramp, you "DR" for desert rat,) which always activates my smart-mouthed comments, and maybe "normal, nice" people might not understand our deep--from the preexistence and beyond--friendship and how we express it through a sharp feako type of humor. Of course, I'm mostly always in control, but you...whew. Think about it JW. We never offend each other, but what if we're offending people who don't understand us? I think you'd better repent ASAP.
Also, do you have the URL for NYC conference, or what's the official title?
That's "freako" as in freaky, feeeeaakko. Like I said, I'm so glad I have much more control over my mouth and emotions than you do.
Greg (whine. whine). I get two e-mails, and Jaren gets a copy of your essay? @#*&^%#@#@!! How fair is that? I hate to threaten people, but send me a copy ASAP, or you're cut out of my Will. But, really, take your time. I was only leaving you the house, river, trees, and Patch.
Sky Catcher
Not to worry. After all, Jaren does call me Mrs. Norris, "after that NASTY cat." That didn't offend me until I saw Potter 5 last week and saw the bit part I played. I deserve a much more prestigious role though I would rather be thought of as nasty than nice and normal. (I just thought I'd say that even if it's not true. I really work daily on my piety (as opposed to righteousness).
I started reading your blog when I was told that Jaren posts here. I love reading anything (?) he writes because he has such a crazy wild humor. He says he got it from his dad which is partly true but which also negates a great contributor to his x chromosome that Charity so blatantly states appears at regular intervals.
Norris
S & M, if Mrs. Norris has been unable to discern my personality after two decades of home life, I don't imagine reading a few blog comments will be much of a revelation. I don't like the idea of censoring myself because of what someone else might think. My own internal censor is present enough. Besides, Norris on her most pious days is ten times as lecherous as I could ever be. (By lecherous, of course I mean gentle and benign.)
Wife: Do you think it's possible to go more than five waking minutes without your blasted match-making?
http://www.awpwriter.org/conference/2008awpconf.php
Don't listen to him, Charity.
And I can't censor either. If I censor my thinking, I get brain constipation, which causes severe headaches above my left eye. So glad Norris is okay with our dialogues, though I don't know how anyone could ever--throughout all eternity--"discern your personality," JW. But, have you warned her about JG and Greg's special brand of madness?
JG, what's the correct and proper way to spell "dialog"? I'm serious.
Greggy, I'm still waiting for this essay.You love Jaren more than moi, don't you? Even though I hired you back every single time I fired you ( 20+). Do I have to chase you down on Facebook? C'mon, I just want some good readin' And, JW, why can't we have your story? You guys are so stingy.
You definitely can have my story, one of them at least. Read my blog. 3 posts from the top has a link to the online magazine where it was published.
I have plenty more that I'll be willing to share. Start with that one, and if you want another, I'll send it along. I'm not shy about sharing them.
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