Writing Assistants are still wearing those vests, at least they are in the pictures on the web page. Why didn't we go with camo coats again? Better, why didn't we decide to wear pink hair nets? The vests are easy to lose in a crowd, but a pink hair net - especially when two peeps are leaning over a some thematic prose - truly distinguishes an assistant from an assanythingelse.
My name is Tanner. I don't have a cool handle, and I don't know which handle corresponds to which of my friends. This is just like the first meeting I attended in the basement of the Smith building, only I can no longer hide behind the false confidence of a returned missionary at Rick's College. Erin - handle Dylan-with-no-z-or-x-in-name's Mom - is understandably wondering how I got posting privileges on the blog without an application or interview. (I apologize, Dylan-with-no-z-or-x-in-name's Mom, if I didn't spell her name correctly. We both know that she is still on the all-time cute baby list.)
I'm new to this whole blogging deal. I thought it was just a brain burp forum for disturbed sorts. I was wrong. There is some fine writing on this cyber-slate. I don't even pretend to know how to write anymore. I no longer write to communicate; I now write to argue. Law school, legal research, and legal writing put the kibosh on creativity. But, recognition is the first step in repentance - returned missionary at Rick's College card.
I loved the Writing Center in the summer. The whole campus seemed drowsy in the summer, and the Writing Center was the perfect vantage for observation. Jen - handle Coyote - didn't swear as much in the summer, Dylan-with-no-z-or-x-in-name's Mom only got crabby when I skipped meetings to golf, and Jill - handle Satellite - could be seen smiling occasionally.
This needs proof-read, but I'm afraid to re-read and re-do the whole thing. I know that the boss has administrative permissions to block me from future postings, but I pray for mercy.
19 comments:
Tanner...is this really you? Where have you been? Oh and I am not Coyote, I am ParkinFamily. How are you? Where are you? I am glad that you have decided to blog.
Tanner, completely off the topic here, where is my Emily? Do you have her stashed away somewhere? You may not remember me, I'm the breakfast after fasting party crasher. Ring any bells? ANYWAY, Emily is MIA and I'm desperate for answers, got any?
-Charity
Another off the topic comment--sorry.
Sharon, in my opinion this photoshop image is much better than the matchmaking photo I did. Far more artistic and appealing, when will you come visit me and show me how you did it?
Charity, you're too kind about my playing around with texture on Adobe. No, your Keith Urban wins out.
Also, I do believe our Tanner is not Tanner Warnick who is trail walking with Em, but a long lost friend, Tanner Stellmon, who knows Emily at her very worst and best. He's an incredible writer; you'll see after he loosens up from his law "brain-washing. He is my metaphor man, and worked at the WC from almost the very beginning of our days there. He was even Emily's summer supervisor once, which probably cost him his sanity for awhile. I'll write more soon. Have to post about losing my trees to snow, and my search clear through Jackson Hole and Driggs for JW's book he wants me to read. It better be worth it. Anyway, Tanner meet Charity. She cooks a mean stew.
Tanner, Tanner, Tanner, where have you been? We need you writing with us. Anything goes, as you can see--from the serious to the cynical. Don't mind my friends. Most are WC graduates who are now earning degrees in writing at different schools here and there, and they are all--everyone--insane, so you'll fit right in. We just like to write, though Jen is usually too busy burping babies, and Emily is skinning snakes in AZ. Check out the other blogs attached to this one. You'll see some fine stuff that I know you'll like, except for Stubs(Jaren Watson's--Charity is his wife), who writes like a mule kicking sunlight when he wants to, but who insists on posting tons of pictures of creepy crawly things--even snakes--to overcome his nervous neurosis about moving to Tuscan desert for MFA. Skip past his pictures to get to his writing, so you don't have nightmares. You're so talented, Tanner; I've never seen anyone who can attach a metaphor to an image like you can, so stay with us, even though we talk nonsense a lot of the time. I'm posting picture of Emily at the top of the blog from her last visit this summer, when she ate everything in the house and kept me up to watch Deer Hunter. (See her Blog about Deer Hunter--"Gilz") Sooooo glad you surfaced. Keep dropping in or we'll come after you.
How do you spell Tuscon, and Charity, Em is not missing. She came off the trail long enough for me to get her to change her profile image on Facebook and then left for trail. "Emily," I said. "I'm sad, and I want to talk to my compassionate friend, not to an ugly, aggressive, worm eating, Fight Club profile." I'll go out and get the pic. It's beautiful, bless her hardened little heart.
Hey, Jen. Did you tell Tanner that you're pregnant again? He loves babies. Remember how he tended Erin's babe all the time?
SM:
I am very confused (see quote under Tanner's picture on Blog template).
When did I become the enemy of feeling? Probably some crazy talk that I talked out of my crazymouth.
Pleased to be helping k thx bye.
JG
Pleased to help always you. Wrong initials out of my wrong mouth. You no be he/her without feelings, silly man-child.
SM
This is me making a 'phew' sound while wiping sweat from my brow.
JG
Jen swore in the summer? Whew, Jen. The things you kept hidden from us. So, what else don't we know? You innocent looking little devil. And Coyote is so your name, twit. Do you think any of us will forget how your father scared you to hide under the table by saying the coyotes were coming to get you?
Tanner, JG is Joe Griffith, who worked at the Reading Center while you were here--the same who wanted to change from Reading Center to Writing Center, but we wouldn't let him because of his musical tastes (joke, JG), and because Aaron Davis might have come with him, which no one would have recovered from. Joe is teaching at BYU-I and working for the rich Government establishment to the west, where they made hidden nuclear submarines underground.
By the way, JG, are you reading any stuff out there that we, your good and true friends, should know about?
Actually, he usually goes by Joe Griffin. Like the mythical creature.
Tanner, how the hell? It's about time you showed up. Are you still being nice to my best friend and your cousin-in-law Jade Janes Stellmon? It's great to read your stuff on here and post again soon!
Hey, I know how to spell his name. Don't worry. JG forgives my misspellings "with utter love." Bless his heart. Catch rattlesnake syndrome on the trail? (Dry mouth, gaga, rattling breath, irritability like JW's?) Did you know Charity called men home from Iraq to look for you? So, how are you. We're fine. Thanks.
JG. You do forgive me, right?
SM, I'm raising my mug to you right now.
T'aint nuthin to forgive.
Was anyone around when Aaron Davis was molding young minds at BYU-I? Danielle predicted that he would marry one of his students - she was right. We are adjusting to life in the Great State of Ada.
Several pleasant observations from the comments:
I was pleased to hear that Coyote is doing well.
I was pleased to discover that I wasn't supposed to know Charity.
I was pleased to get a 'how the hell' from Gilligan.
Awww . . . A.D. Yes, Em and I watched from afar. He came out one night to talk and my first thought was he'd be fired in a week. Then, he got into some wild advising Emily about guys and dating or something weird until she curled right up into a fetal position and wouldn't move out of burying her head into my couch--until he left. I have to love her for that. I got bored and put in a movie while she uncurled her long legs and surfaced out of wherever she goes when she mentally leaves us. And then I didn't hear any more about him until he married this very young thing. But,you know, I like Aaron. He made me laugh because he always pushed everything too far. He's off the wall and certainly abnormal, but, then, I really don't have any "normal" friends, so he fits. I remember him putting together a bookcase for me while he critiqued music, ate cake, and carried on a semi-serious discussion with Trevor. I was hoping he wouldn't run out of Ritalin, but, really, I think he's just that way. Will he be happy is the question now, since I'm not sure his students took him seriously enough to be hurt. He told us the girls loved him, and the boys huddled on their own side, hovering between mumbling grunts and jealous glares. He said he didn't think they got his humor. He told me once--this is the honest truth--that if I ever got too lonely, he'd marry me. It was rather sweet, though I tried hard to keep the Diet Coke from burbling through my nose from choking. Poor guy. And to think he could have had me instead of a beautiful young and vibrant coed?
Yeah, we all knew A.D. would marry one of his students. I remember part of that advice that got me all clammed up that night was, "I just really love the power trip that comes from slamming girls up against the wall during make-out sessions." Ah, yes. How did he get a year appointment and not me? Seriously. 18-year-old girls. Seriously.
Enough harsh judgment from little miss me.
Tanner, you are too funny. It's been too long. I miss people calling Jen Coyote. So does Jen.
Oh Aaron Davis...he really was a good guy, he just was a little nuts. I remember when he told Em that he liked to push girls up against the wall while making out. I was totally repulsed, but I think that I held myself together a little bit better then Em did and I remember the visual image I got of him doing it and thinking that it must look a little like a soap opera love scene and I think that Aaron liked it like that. He was always very dramatic.
On a totally different note, Em gave me three days (I'm not sure when they started) to announce that I am having twins. I put it on my blog, but I think that Em is the only one who reads that (thanks a lot Sharon). Anyway...twins it is. That means double the morning (all day) sickness, but hey I'll get two kids in one.
Tanner, I did not swear in the summer. Well, I may have at Jared, but I really don't think I did...I know I wanted to though.
And we all know Jen is lying about "no swearing in the summer." (I'm going to use that title for ... something.) But, you should have heard the admiring expletives shooting fourth from my normally clean mouth when I heard Jen is the mother of twin babies, who will be cute and fun, but grow up with tons of neurosis--JG what's the plural of neurosis? Jen, my sweet, sweet friend, as a twin--as the daughter of a twin and the granddaughter of a twin who, herself bore two sets of twins--I have a large book of advice for you. Seriously, I think only the strong hearted are chosen for such a task. I stand in awesome wonder.
I don't know how to spell the plural of neurosis, but I believe that it rhymes with feces.
Congrats to Coyote for the howling twins. I have twin sisters, and I can't imagine a family without a set or two.
Has anyone heard from Erin, Jill, or Jared lately? Is there a single-post comment limit on this deal? I don't like the idea of posting an entirely new plop in order to continue a previous conversation.
No limits anywhere, T. Just write whatever. Erin is in AZ with more children; Jill drops in now and then--beautiful; Jared? Hmmmm...
Go to the front of the class and Post away.
Post a Comment